In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
