one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
