I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
