Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A+ Viking dick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
