This girl is more easily done than said...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
