Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
