Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
