and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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