oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
