I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
operation have a gay friend backfired
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
