I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
