You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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