I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize