i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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