You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
