I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize