my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
