Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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