well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
