you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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