the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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