I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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