Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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