He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
