he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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