he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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