Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
