I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize