She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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