You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Threesome in a minivan. New low
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
