he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
