what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize