I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he fucked my hip out of place.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
