It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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