Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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