Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize