when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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