the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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