I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
