I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
