every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
zippers are such a cool invention
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
