his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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