toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
