It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
