Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
