Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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