this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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