yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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