I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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