Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
