He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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