I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
