I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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