I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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