oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
