Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize