Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
