Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
