This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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