I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
