After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
