I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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