She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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