so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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