she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
