I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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