i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
