you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
