My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
