I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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