I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
