you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
